You get into a relationship because you really like each other, then this grows to love and then you think to yourself 'I'm definitely going to be in it for the long haul with this one so lets cement it by bringing a baby into the world'
For some very strange reason we forget that we're purposely adding a 3rd wheel.
Now, I'm not saying no to babies (or the wonderful children, teenagers and adults they will then become).
I'm just saying we need to start really thinking about the whole 3rd wheel element.
Is your relationship really solid right now - are you really ready to have someone come into your life who demands all your attention for the next few months and years?
Can your relationship take no sex, no intimacy and often no contact?
More importantly, can you?
Humans are social creatures. We like the company of others. We like to be stimulated, made to laugh and to feel safe in the arms of another person.
A baby - well that is like the biggest spanner in the works ever.
Here's the thing.
If you're not rock solid then a baby is going to seriously damage your relationship, and this is going to effect how well you are able to be a parent.
It's going to hinder the very thing you want to do.
Thankfully, there are some things you can do to make sure a baby doesn't split your relationship wide open like the iceberg did to the Titanic.
First - get selfish.
You need to be so selfishly into your own self care right now because this and only this will give you enough energy to support your new baby, and still have enough left to spend some quality time with your partner.
Second - do little things with your partner whenever you can
Get cosy on the sofa, make them a cup of tea, share a kit-kat while you're in the kitchen... all these little micro-minutes will enable you to keep up to date with each other and stay truly present in your relationship.
Trust me, the more you put into these little moments the more they will do
Third - 'date night' is a non-negotiable
Whether you guys sneak off once a week to kick your heels at a line dancing group, get
your ear drums blasted by the latest film release or just send the kid to grandmas and do one of those 'meal-for-two' things it really doesn't matter but you have got to keep working on your relationship.
Fourth - get a journal
Leave all the bitching, moaning and stressing in a book on the shelf where it belongs. No one wants to hear a string of negativity the minute they step through the door. How you're feeling is absolutely valid but write it down. Once you've written it down let it go. Holding onto it, venting and being angry over something you can't change is only affecting you.
Fifth - 'meeting night'
This is the time you share your feelings in a non-emotional way. I'm sure you've seen those American films where they pass the baton? It may seem 'roll-your-eyes' dumb but trust me in all reality its a pretty good method to use.
Just make sure you're as open to listening as you are to telling your side of the week...
Finally Sixth - why it matters
When things get really tough (and they will - sorry to be the barer of bad news in all this), you will need your partner to lean on.
When your child starts to grow and they are being nutty you will need your partner to support you and back you up.
When you are ready to get back out into the big wide world and do all the things you loved to do before the bouncing bundle of joy came along don't you want to do it with your partner?
You know the person you wanted to bring a child into the world with?
Bringing a baby into the world is absolutely a great way to really feel connected to the person you love but just remember you will need to have twice as much energy to keep all the plates spinning.
Go on - get your date night booked & have a blast like the 'good ole days'.
Happy parenting & catch up with you soon - Katie
P.S. if you need a little help with your parenting efforts then why not join our 'positive parent community'? Katie is on hand twice a week to answer questions and offer support (live & no holds barred), plus there's loads of resources specifically designed to help you be the best parents you can be!
Katie Woodland - A developmental, and holistic psychologist who specialises in educating and empowering individuals, business leaders & school teachers to remove mental health as a barrier to success.
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