What are you supposed to do when things just become so unbareable all you can think about is finding a quiet corner to cry in, abandoning everything byrunning away, or going to extremes and working out how to sell your child on ebay...
Breathe and readjust your perception.
I promise that this advice is not 'namby pamby' 'woo' or 'wooly' it's hyper effective.
It's the best advice anyone can give to a parent who is finding everything too difficult to cope with.
Because it really isn't as bad as you think.
Your child really isn't a monster.
You didn't give birth to the child in the Omen.
It's more than likely just a phase in their development.
It's something they need to go through before getting back to the wonderful little angel you remember pre-toddler years, pre-aged 7 and pre-teenage years.
In order to understand child development you need to imagine a roller coaster.
Your child needs to fight, push and pull themselves through this developmental period and then when they learn everything they need to (through trial and error), then 'woosh' and they're back to their usual loveable selves
Well, until the next stage...
They are literally up and down like a rollercoster as they try to figure out how to manouver in this rather awkward world of ours.
The problem is, when you react it slows the process down and can make the whole thing 100 times worse.
When you scream, shout and have your very own meltdown in front of your child because of how they're behaviing what you're doing is showing them it's OK to scream, shout and have a meltdown when they get frustraited.
Everything you do as an adult, your child copies and practices.
If you never say please and thank you to your child then they're not going to say it back to you.
You're going to be reminding them everytime but it just won't sink in - and why should it?
If you want your child to say please and thank you then you best remember to say it to them - every time they do something, and every time you ask them for something.
This is how it sinks in.
If you don't want your child to scream and shout then make sure you are not screaming and shouting at them.
Don't get me wrong I know it's hard.
Sometimes not rising to it takes all of the strength and will power you can muster but trust me - do what ever you can to not do it.
Recent scientific research shows that by taking 6 deep breaths you cut off the cortisol production in your body. These 6 deep breaths literally stop you from being stressed.
But, it will take you to keep yourself from being stressed because once your breathing returns to normal you absolutely can get yourself wound back up again!
Readjust your perception by paying attention to the reality of the situation.
Is what's happening right now going to imprint so deeply on your brain that in 6 months time you're still feeling the effects?
What about in 3 months? Or 3 weeks, 3 days or 3 hours?
Has the situation got so out of hand that it is worth you becoming the parent you really didn't want to be?
And then feeling guilty about it...?
So, I say again.
Breathe and readjust your perspective.
By doing this you will slowly realise that parenting is not too hard.
You'll realise that you are a pretty awesome parent.
Your child is alive, they are fed, and they are loved.
When they see how much you respect and love yourself, they too will start respecting you, remembering that they love you back, and also start learning to love themselves.
It really does work - I promise.
Even if you think it's a load of baloney at least have the guts to test it out and proove me wrong.
Good luck & happy parening - Katie.
p.s. have you registered for the #GBPG2017 yet? Free parenting resources and competitions to win 1-2-1 coaching, parent training and even a weekend away in a Yurt!
Katie Woodland - A developmental, and holistic psychologist who specialises in educating and empowering individuals, business leaders & school teachers to remove mental health as a barrier to success.
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